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Editors Note – this blog specifically relates to Rugby League (because that is what I watch in Australia) – it applies to any other code of football with only slight variations.

There is only one TV in our house but there are three of us. We have a cable TV service installed (which is called Foxtel here in Australia) and this gives us access to something like 60 channels. There are frequent turf wars over who gets control over the remote. My wife likes sci-fi, romance, relationship movies and cop stuff, my son likes cartoons and anything to do with detecting ghosts and I like a variety of programs but I REALLY like watching my football. These preferences are not always compatible.

A game of football has two 40 minute halves, plus time either side so the commentators can have their say so a televised game might last 100 minutes in total. That’s a fair chunk of time during an evening where my wife might want to celebrate love and my son needs to contact the dead so, in the spirit of compromise, I record the midweek games I’m interested in and “speed watch” them when appropriate.

Usually I will watch the first ten minute or so at normal speed as this is a crucial part of the game where both teams try to establish dominance. If the other team scores I am straight onto the fast forward button. Who needs to see replays of them scoring against you and generally rubbing your nose in it? Numerous replays of YOUR team scoring are, of course, required. Pauses for goal kicks, scrums, penalties and injuries can also be safely fast forwarded. In any game there is usually at least one indecisive period where neither team makes any significant breakthrough. During this time a “low-speed” fast forward can be employed to hurry things up a little but ensure that you are ready to pounce should anything interesting happen. Finally, there is a time in any game when the decisive blow has been struck and the game is “gone” – if it’s your team that is losing badly its time for FAST fast forward but if the other team is suffering that needs to be savoured at more length.

This “speed watching” of football is not ideal and purists would rightly argue that the total experience of football cannot be butchered in this way. They are right but it cuts a game down to about 40 minutes which frees up the TV for the rest of the family (who then love me more) and also gives me back an hour that I can use to save the World or something.

I still like it when I get the TV to myself though

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When I was a kid I was thin, I mean woefully thin. I also remember feeling pretty hungry all the time and I guess, in today’s world where we like to slap a label on everyone, I would probably be diagnosed with “hyper-metabolism” or something like that. But back in those simpler times, I was a skinny kid who was hungry all the time.

All the way through my teens and twenties I could eat and drink as much as I wanted of whatever I wanted and I never really gained any weight. During that time there wasn’t the awareness of healthy eating that there is today – I guess people were dimly aware that you shouldn’t eat chips with EVERY meal but that was as far as it went! To give an example of how I used to eat when I was at University a regular meal was the French-bread sausage sandwich they sold at the local bakers, washed down with a can of Coke. I don’t know how many calories those sandwiches contained but I’d guess it would be somewhere in the low millions. At the weekends we would drink beer all night and end up eating chicken & chips or a kebab or something like that.

Anyway, I improved my eating and drinking habits in my thirties but when I got close to forty “the elastic started to give” around my middle and I started stacking on quite a bit of weight around my waist. I am still fairly slim everywhere else and that thin-but-with-a-fat-belly look is not a good one. Now I can honestly say that I eat healthier, drink less and exercise more than at any other time in my adult life but I still have to work to keep the gut under control. I find there’s a certain irony in that.

The one tip that I would like to pass on about exercise is not to make an artificial distinction between “exercising” and “normal” life. Many people think that if they are actually at a gym or playing a sport (and wearing the appropriate gear for doing so) they are exercising and if they aren’t, they’re not. The truth is though that the body is in the business of burning calories, it is not overly concerned whether you are wearing lycra or football boots whilst you do so. This distinction makes it easy for us to wriggle out of doing exercise because we don’t have time to go the gym so we end up doing nothing instead. In reality you can exercise and burn calories anytime or anywhere. If, whilst you are reading this, there is enough floor space for you to lie flat on your back you could get down RIGHT NOW and do as many stomach crunches or press-ups as you are able. As part of everyday life you could walk to your local shops instead of driving, you could push the trolley around the supermarket a little further you could stand up and raise yourself up on your toes ten times pretty much anytime (great for the calves and your balance). Simply put – the human body is designed by nature to move so put it into motion. Find ways to move that body and you will see the results!

This isn’t to say that a “proper” exercise routine with the appropriate gear isn’t important – it is essential but it isn’t the whole story about a healthy lifestyle and losing weight. You might find that Matt Rogers favourite saying works for you – “don’t do a lot, do a little a lot of the time” (Rogers has represented Australia internationally at both Rugby Union and Rugby League and, presumably, knows a bit about fitness).

Keep moving!

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One of the quickest ways to make a difference to your life and start to master that big lump of grey jelly you carry around in your skull is to recognize and control that “voice in you head” known as your internal dialogue.

Your internal dialogue is the voice of your conscious mind, which is permanently in conversation with itself. In many people this voice rambles, it twitters, it flits from one topic to another, it might hum a tune whilst doing this as well but it also makes decisions and can bring concentration to bear on a particular subject. This dialogue is like a self-generated running commentary on your life which can criticize you, reward you, rebuke you and praise you. This can have a profound effect on your mood and the overall quality of your life.

The first step to installing a positive internal dialogue into your life is to recognize that there is such a thing: quite often we are so used to hearing this voice in our head that we don’t even notice it. You might think of your dialogue as just “how you operate” even though it is just one part of the much larger whole of your mind. This is definitely a case of the “squeaky wheel getting the grease”! So, firstly, listen to your mind and identify this voice. What words does it use? Does it flash thoughts in your head like”you always screw it up”? Does it rush to emphasize the negative? How does it sound? Is it a strong confident voice that reassures you or a whiney, reedy voice that snipes at you from a distance? Spend some time bringing your attention to this task. Recognize the voice and identify what it says. Don’t try to censor it yet or replace your thoughts, just monitor it as it is now – even if you find that a lot of it is just “static”.

The next step is to exert some control. Let me give you a personal example. When I first tried this exercise I noticed that my internal dialogue would address me as “you”. It would say “YOU really need to do this” or “YOU should learn how to do that”. I also noticed that, when it was in a more co-operative mood, it would sometimes be “we” – “WE have got to sort out our finances”. Isn’t that strange? At first I thought maybe I had some undiagnosed Multiple Personality Disorder thing going on up there because the one way I would never address myself is “I”. The voice in my head wouldn’t say “I am going to save more money so my finances are in better shape”. Now there is a world of difference between being TOLD what to do by someone else and deciding to do the same thing by yourself. Which one of these sentences do you think would be most likely to make a difference to you?

“You should lose some weight, you big fatty”

Or

“I am going to lose weight so I feel and look better”
If you throw some specifics into that second sentence like “I am going to lose 7 kilos by September” or “I will lower my total cholesterol levels to under 5”, then you are well on your way to supporting yourself to achieve goals.

Anyway, the first change I made was to throw out all the “you’s” and “we’s” and make everything into an “I and my”. This meant that I wasn’t being lectured by someone else; I was making promises to myself and there is a big difference right there. Initially this took a little while but with a little perseverance you can recognize patterns and consciously change them. It’s a little like gardening, pull out a weed and plant a flower, pull out a bad thought and plant a good one. Your vocabulary is important here too – the words you choose to express how you feel and how you are interpreting the world. Consider this response from the actor Denzel Washington when he was asked if he ever struggled with life:

“Struggle? I’m a believer in positive words. You can create your reality. I’d just as soon say I’m doing great. And getting better. I’m looking upward. It’s just my nature”.

You might also notice the sound of this voice. Mine always used to sound a bit “reedy” and it had a tone like it was exasperated with me. Imagine that, being lectured by someone else who has an irritating voice and has no patience with you. And all this going on inside your OWN HEAD! Well, the good news is that this too can be changed. Imagine having an internal dialogue going on where the voice was a bit louder than you are used to, a lot more confident and assured and used only positive, protective, encouraging language. How would that feel?

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For my first blog post I thought it would be appropriate to write about a situation which sparked off my interest in self help – supporting someone with a serious illness. I hesitated to write this post as I was unsure about starting the blog on what might seem such as “downbeat” note but I decided that, if the purpose of this site is genuinely to help others, then we should address the aspects of self help which help those people facing dramas as well as those seeking further improvements in their lives.

When someone close to you is diagnosed with a serious health condition the first thing that you need to do is to commit to being there with them every step of the way, This means being present at each of the appointments, tests, check-ups etc that they will be put through. Even if you don’t say a word and all you do is hold their hand or fetch cups of coffee whilst you hang around in hospital waiting rooms your presence is required and will be valuable. As rough as things may get, you are in it for the duration.

Let me add an important proviso here though; as much as they may need your help you must let the person with the illness”own” the experience. Even though they may have developed serious – perhaps even life threatening- health problems it is still THEIR life and they have the right to say how they want to handle it. You must respect this. You should provide all the support you can and try to ensure that this fits in with how they want to progress. There will almost certainly be times when you get this wrong. There might be times when you are talking when you should be listening, when you are being sombre when you should be cheerful and there may be times when it seems like whatever you do is wrong! Just persevere and keep trying to do your best.

You will probably find that you suddenly get a lot of family, friends and well-wishers turning up as there is a natural and generous impulse to go and support the person who is suffering. This can be a great source of comfort but there are also times when it can all be a bit too much. Sometimes you feel you are re-living the experience over and over again. Depending on the circumstances it might be wise for you to shield the person from visitors as firmly and kindly as you can as they will just need time on their own. “They are asleep” or “they just need time to rest right now” both work well.

You may well have to attend to the practicalities of what is happening and by this I mean arranging time off from work, health insurance, financial matters, appointments at the Doctors, possibly in-home care services and so on.

There will be times when you falter along the path too and that is perfectly OK – you are only human and can’t be expected to be a sainted martyr every day of your life. This leads me to the next important point: YOU MUST LOOK AFTER YOURSELF! If you don’t, it won’t be long until you are in no fit state to look after anyone else either. This means doing the basics right, eating, sleeping, keeping a limit on drinking, exercise if you can, take time “away” from the situation even if it’s only for a little while. It’s often helpful to think of what things would be like if you WEREN’T there – imagine how the other person would feel if they had to sit through a chemotherapy session on their own or even if they had to worry about where to park the car. What you do makes a difference.

Ask for help. I know this sounds obvious but many people find it difficult to ask for help (especially men). This could be in the form of professional, medical support, voluntary or charity groups or it could be help from family & friends. Even now I vividly remember small acts of kindness like family doing babysitting and a neighbour bringing round a lasagne for dinner… This kind of help can make a lot of difference and you should be open to accepting it. When I was in this situation I found that several people at work came up to me to tell me about what they had been through or how they had family members who had similar experiences. Almost as if there was a “hidden community” of people who had been through a lot and whilst they didn’t shout about it from the rooftops, they knew.

That brings me to my final point and if I could say no other thing to you but this, it would be that you are not alone and many people have been through similar experiences to you and come out of the other side. Please persevere.

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