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I recently read something by Michael Neill which I long suspected to be true. He said that, once in a while, there is a lot of value in taking a break from “self-development” and just taking time out to enjoy yourself without wondering what it all means. This has great intuitive appeal: after all you can physically overtrain and end up retarding your progress so why not acknowledge that you can “overdevelop” yourself in other ways?

Depending on how central self-help is to your life you might be doing one, more or all of the following:

Working towards clear, well thought-out goals.
Watching what you eat so you can get down to a target weight.
Watching what you drink or stopping smoking.
Exercising (more) regularly
Monitoring and improving your internal dialogue
Asking yourself some empowering questions every morning
Giving thanks for five things every night
And so on.

So, in the spirit of taking a break, me and my wife went up to the Burswood Hotel Casino last weekend to get away from it all. We actually became members of the casino (for free), mostly to get discounts on meals and rooms and, as a little bonus; we received a free $5 bet each. After an all-you-can-eat buffet meal we wandered (or should that read “waddled”) around the casino for a while and then, remembering the free bet, my wife decided to put a $5 bet on at roulette. Having never played the game before she placed her solitary red $5 chip on number 21 and promptly won $175 dollars! Now we have all heard tiresome and far-fetched stories from people who claim to have come out ahead at the casino but, I swear, this one is true. Her one (free) bet netted us $175 (notice how I start saying “us” when it comes to the money?)

I am sure that some people will attribute this to the “law of attraction” or a cosmic reward whilst others, of a more practical mindset, will say that 35 to 1 bet coming up in casino is really not that big a deal and by no means unlikely. It doesn’t matter. We were on our break and didn’t care why it happened but it did pay for a rather nice dinner and breakfast!

When we arrived home on Monday it was back to the gym, the books and the goals but, I’ll tell you what, the break worked. Try it for yourself.

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I have added this to the book review section.

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Hi – just a quick post to let you know I have added this to the review section.

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It’s Showtime!

At work we have recently implemented a new system that the supplier is really keen to popularize. The upshot of this is that they sent a PR/Media company over to make a video of myself and my boss talking about this new system. The supplier is going to use this video as a marketing tool and may also show it on one of the business channels on Foxtel TV. As someone who has never been filmed or been on TV before this was all new stuff for me.

We had a couple of discussions with the media company over the phone which, to me at least, all seemed a bit surreal and then it got arranged very quickly. In no time I was emailed a Call List which referred to me and my Boss as “the talent” (!) Within a few days they flew over from Sydney and we were ready to shoot. I was being interviewed outdoors, which meant that I had to stand out in the heat whilst a man wired me up and then waved a big, furry boom mike over my head. The camera was further back along with the person doing the interviewing. In fact she was quite far away and that feels a bit unusual, when you are watching someone being interviewed on TV you always assume that the person they are speaking to is standing right next to them. Not necessarily so!
I hadn’t actually been given the questions beforehand so I had to come up with something on the spot Apparently this is to avoid things sounding too scripted and wooden but I found that it is a bit difficult for the novice to pull off and sound convincing. Anyway, the interview section lasted about an hour and then later I had to do some acting and by that I mean things like “pretend to talk to someone”, “pretend to be on the phone”, “walk down the office” and so on. Demanding stuff!

So what did I learn from my two hours of media stardom?

1) Don’t rush – don’t speak too quickly in an effort to get it all over with as soon as possible.

2) Don’t use “well”, “you know”, “it’s sort of like”, “errm” and so on. Use real words.

3) Try to be relaxed and also use your hands while you speak – you may need to be a bit more animated than usual.

4) Listen to the media people – they know what they are doing and will try to coach the best out of you (the people I met were very understanding).

5) Be patient. Be prepared to speak the same lines or do the same action over and over again. Accept that on the one occasion you do everything perfectly a truck will go roaring by or a member of the public will be standing behind you grinning inanely. This does give you some tiny insight into what the professionals have to put up with all the time.

6) Again, try to relax.

7) Be prepared for your work colleagues making fun of you for a while afterwards!

The hard part hasn’t happened yet…

I managed to muddle through the interview without worrying too much or getting nervous but I haven’t seen any of the footage yet. This is the really challenging bit for me and for the word “challenging” you can substitute “excruciating”! Like everyone I have a mental image of what I look, sound and act like in my head but I’m sure that’s not quite the same as the reality. The bit I am not looking forward to is hearing my own voice, which I think is a monotonous, nasal, drone – those that love me best assure me that its not but I think they are just being kind. And they say that the camera adds twenty pounds too!

We should get some of the footage soon and the media people have also made vague comments about coming back to do some more filming. I will keep you posted with how this develops.

Wish me luck!

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Hiroo Onoda was a Japanese soldier who was sent to conduct guerilla warfare on Lubang Island towards the end of World War II. Onoda left Japan (aged 23) under strict instructions to never surrender, never commit suicide and to fight on for as long as it took to overcome the enemy. As instructed, he lived in the jungles of Lubang and conducted an ongoing campaign but, such was his total commitment to the cause, when the war ended in October 1945 Onoda refused to believe it. Reasoning that it must all be a hoax he continued to live rough and carry on his personal war, despite all of his colleagues dying and numerous attempts to convince him that it was all over. Finally, after his original commanding officer was flown over to convince him in person, Onoda surrendered in 1974, some 29 years after the war had ended. He was 52 years old.

I mention this because a lot of us have some of Onoda’s mindset inasmuch as we continue to fight wars that ended a long time ago (often persevering in the face of all the evidence). For instance, there are people who overeat compulsively because they went hungry as children, there are people who hoard money, fearful that there will never be “enough”, people who have a suspicious and fearful outlook on life because they were hurt many years ago etc. Often a particular set of circumstances or an unpleasant experience at some point in life can generate a particular belief that tries to keep you “safe” in the future. If you have grown up poor you may have unhelpful beliefs about money because you know what the lack of money can feel like. This can drive people to accumulate and save money to keep them safe from the lack of it BUT the “enough” switch never gets tripped so that they feel satisfied. Despite having pots of money, the war goes on.

The thing about beliefs is that they want to endure. Whereas an opinion can be modified by new or better information a belief is more deeply held and more resistant to change – it KNOWS it is right and will carry on to the end. Another common characteristic of beliefs is that they become so deeply embedded and automatic that you scarcely know you have them! They act like a filter through which we see the world and, of course, we see the world we are looking at, not the filter itself (which we ignore).

Take a good look at an area of your life that you are not comfortable with and start to examine what your beliefs are and whether they are helping or hindering you. Questioning these beliefs and discarding them if necessary can be the first step to adopting a more positive mindset and changing life for the better. After all, you wouldn’t want to emerge blinking from the jungle to find out that you have been fighting the wrong war for half your life…

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I’ve been sent a link to a great article by Richard Wiseman (whose “59 Seconds” book I reviewed recently) about how you can actually learn to be lucky. Its interesting stuff so I thought I’d pass it on – you can read it here.

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This blog is now four months old and what a fascinating experience it’s been so far. It’s still very much a work in progress for us but definitely one we are going to persevere with and I just wanted to share some thoughts on the journey so far.

When I started this blog my intention was to pass on information, tips and techniques which I had found useful in the past and also stuff I still use today. I hope people find something of value here and if anyone is going through problems and feels a bit less isolated because of what I have written here then I will have achieved what I wanted. Because I have had an interest in personal development (on and off) for about ten years there was a bit of a backlog of material to get through so I haven’t found lack of material to be a problem so far.

In terms of what to write about, there is plenty of scope in the fields of self help/personal development but I like to include some “everyday life” stuff as well (e.g. the issue of moving to and from Australia always seems to be of interest so I have included a bit about that). I’m the sort of person who has different interests and to be honest, I think I would go mad if I did nothing but read self help material and watching motivational videos. I spend a fair bit of my leisure my time reading fiction, listening to music and, yes, even watching football and drinking beer. Maybe this makes me someone you would be LESS likely to take advice from. Or maybe more likely? That’s the beauty of the internet though, there seems to be near-limitless choice and you can decide for yourself what strikes a chord with you.

There is a bit of a balancing act between keeping the site “personal” and not being totally indiscriminate about what I post about. There’s probably no need for you to be told what I had for breakfast though. There is stuff that goes on in my life that I won’t blog about through respect for other people’s privacy. There’s actually been a fair bit of this lately – I have the same everyday dramas that everyone else has.

Right from the start I wanted to have a section for Book reviews and, it’s taken a while, but I’ve managed to add quite a few. These probably take the longest time and that’s down to the length of time it takes to read them rather than anything else. The books I choose to review are ones that I have bought with the expectation of finding them worthwhile. If they are on here then the likelihood is that they will get a positive review because I have bought them expecting to like them. This doesn’t mean I will say everything is great when its not. There are plenty of books I know I won’t think are worthwhile so I avoid them – I don’t see the point of reading them just so I can publicly criticize them, where’s the point in that?

The books are available to purchase via Amazon.co.uk (I picked the UK site simply because that’s where I buy my stuff).
So, defining what you have to say and what you will blog about is one step and the next thing to tackle is how to say it or “finding your voice”. This takes a bit of doing as the odd thing about writing on the internet is that you are not exactly sure who you are talking to! Before I started this blog most of the writing I did was either work-related, study assignments from when I was at university or emails to family & friends. In those situations you know who you are addressing and what “tone” to adopt. If you are emailing a friend you have known for 20 years you can be really comfortable writing to them and you know what you can say and how to say it. It’s different when you try to translate this to writing for people you don’t know, will never meet and you aren’t sure if there are 12 of them or a million! When I moved to Australia I quickly became aware of how many English phrases and how much Yorkshire slang I used – obviously you only realize how much you do this when no-one around you speaks the same way. My accent has mellowed a little and I speak less obviously “English” than I used to but its part of who I am and I wouldn’t change it even if it were possible to do so. Writing for the internet is similar as you have to write for an international audience so you can’t use too many regional sayings that won’t be understood BUT, at the same time, you don’t want to lose your individuality. If you were only to use terminology that everyone understood completely and no-one was offended or challenged by it then it would probably be too bland to be of interest. You don’t want to exclude people on purpose but you can’t please all the people all the time.

Something I HAVE found out about setting up and running a blog is that its more work than I thought it would be. Much of the technical and design side of this blog is actually setup by my wife, who is considerably cleverer than me when it comes to that kind of thing. So far, I’ve written all the content though so she could raise her game in that area! One thing I am conscious of is that I don’t post often enough. I work full time, I’m a Dad, husband and, like I said, all that football won’t watch itself so I do feel a bit pressured sometimes. It’s clear that I need to manage my time a bit better so I’m definitely looking to make an improvement with this and post more often. Having said that, I don’t feel that I HAVE to post a certain number of times a week because this isn’t a job for me. There’s no “deadline fever” involved. There are other aspects of running the site that I am planning to pay more attention to as well, which leads me to my next point.

In terms of getting ideas on how to setup, maintain and grow a blog there is a real wealth of information available free on the internet. If you want to know more about it the starting point has to be the website of blogging phenom, Darren Rowse. To use an Australian term, “the bloke’s a legend!” To say this site is a wealth of information is a huge understatement, if you have a blog you will already know this but if you are looking to set one up – check it out here.

I have found the “blogging community” to be really helpful and encouraging bunch of people. All the people I have met online have been welcoming, happy to help and not in the least judgemental. There is a real recognition that everyone “brings what they bring” and it’s very rare to see any conflict or bitching going on.

If you are looking to start your own blog, no matter what the topic, I would say “start today”. There’s no experience quite like it.

Note – the title of this post is borrowed from the AC/DC song “It’s a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll” – probably the first hard rock song to feature bagpipes.

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Back in 2000 when I was getting some help from the excellent staff at Clayton Hospital in Wakefield I was taught a simple technique for dealing with problems that I found so powerful that I still use it now.

The technique basically uses a simple list to “dismantle” your problems. What you do is to simply describe the problem or issue that is worrying you, list the components of this problem and then break it down into things that you can do something about and things that you can’t. The things that you can do something about generate an action list for you to follow up on. Before we get into an example lets have a look at why this works.

1. By writing down what the problem is and breaking it into smaller parts you have started to deal with it. Even if you don’t do a single thing about it you have started the process of dealing with the situation and a subtle change takes place whereby you are managing IT rather than IT managing you.
2. The act of writing things down imposes a logical structure onto what is going on. It makes you think about the problem and start to use your resources to address it. Remember, as Marie Curie said, “nothing is to be feared, it is only to be understood”. Start to understand your problem in a logical way, not a fear-based one.
3. As is so often the case, the “big picture” can seem too big and scary and too overwhelmingly awful to deal with but the smaller components seem achievable. Maybe not much fun but definitely achievable. This provides you with an action list that you need to work through.
4. Finally the list helps you to identify what you can and can’t do anything about. Acceptance of what you can’t change is a whole different ball game but acknowledging it is a start.

When I became a Dad my partner was being treated for cancer and I was under a lot of pressure as I was juggling the roles of parent and carer for the first time. As time went on, balancing these roles with all the other ones I had became a real strain and I began to feel very anxious about what would happen if something were to happen to me. There was no reason at all to think I was going to but it was really starting to prey on my mind so the staff at Clayton Hospital took me through this exercise to get a hold of the problem and the outcome was something like this:-

I am worried about what would happen if I died.

What can we do to make it less likely?

What can you do about diet, exercise, alcohol, stress levels, wellbeing etc? By taking action in these areas you dramatically reduce the chances of this happening.

Action – Make a sub-list detailing what you are going to do in each of these areas.

What if it happens anyway?

No-one can totally remove risk from their life and there is always a chance that an accident can happen to you. You have to let this go and not worry about what you can’t change.

Action – accept what you can’t change.

Finances

I am the major bread winner – what would happen if I am not around?

Action – first make a will to ensure that your wishes are carried out as smoothly as possible.

Action – take out life insurance – a simple practical step to make sure that some money is coming in if I’m not around to earn it.

Note – there are two families involved here as well – they aren’t going to let your partner and child starve!

Parenting

If I die then who will look after my kid?

Action – talk to both sides of the family about how you feel and what you would like to happen if you were no longer around. You can make your wishes known and this can be put into a will.

Note – your partner is unwell but it doesn’t mean that she won’t be around for a long time to come.

Note – you’re not going to die anytime soon either – dork-meister! (OK I made this bit up)

When I completed this exercise my mood lifted immediately and I remember walking home from the hospital really feeling like I had got my problems by the balls!

So, by making a list, the anxiety I had was addressed and broken down into parts. From this exercise I got a action list which included a new recognition that I had to look after myself better, a task to write a will (like the saying goes – “writing a will won’t kill you”), arranging life insurance and talking things through with family.

Looking back I wonder “what WAS I thinking about – worrying about dying?” but the concern was real to me at the time so it needed addressing. This was about ten years ago and, happily, I am still not dead This process works with less dramatic problems too and, the more you use it the more you find that the stuff that is causing you grief often can’t stand up to much scrutiny. Problems that seem like a big deal can be dealt with quite effectively by using the awesome power of the list!

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Earlier this week the whole management team where I work watched an Occupational Health & Safety DVD called “Remember Charlie”, narrated by Charlie Morecraft. Like a lot of people I approach these kind of things with a bit of a sigh and a roll of the eyes as a) they are often badly made and b) I work in an office environment anyway but how wrong I was to think this way. This DVD is really powerful and Charlie’s story of what ignoring safety procedures did to him is absolutely compelling. It had a big effect on everyone in the room.

The DVD runs for about an hour and it is simply a movie of him delivering a talk to a bunch of delegates (I think they were from Union Pacific). Now some people really know how to capture an audience and make their story relevant and this guy has it in spades so the hour just flies by. Charlie talks of how he was a blue-collar, regular guy working in an oil refinery and how he believed that safety regulations were a “management fad” and how he really knew best in any given situation. By breaking at least four of the safety regulations whilst changing a valve, Charlie caused a major accident in the refinery and was badly burnt over 50% of his body. He freely admits that safe procedures were in place but he ignored them.

He pulls no punches in telling you what is involved in recovery from a major burns injury –  including a great deal of agonizing pain and many operations spread over a long period of time – and the effect it has on the people around you. The stress over his accident took a terrible toll on his parents, eventually cost him his marriage and drove one of his daughters to a suicide attempt. The consequences just seemed to go on and on.

At one point Charlie mentions that one his fellow patients in the burns unit was in there because, of all things, the barbecue in his back yard blew up. I suspect that there were about 20 mental notes made in the room to check the barbecue when they went home that night – I know I did!

Eventually he was able to put his life back together and now he is on a mission to spread the health and safety message far and wide. When you hear what he has been through and how it was all entirely preventable you tend to believe him when he compares the “discomfort” of wearing safety clothing with the pain of being burnt alive. I looked up the price of this DVD and its expensive (several hundred dollars) so its not something you’re likely to buy for home use but if you get a chance to watch it or get your place of work or Union to buy a copy, please do so. I bet it will change the way you think about staying safe.

I just want to make two final points here. Firstly, there is a lot of hysteria about the “excesses” of Health & Safety regulations but a lot of it is total myth. Read more about this here. Secondly, if we weren’t so keen to sue each other and claim everything on insurance/compensation there would be a lot less of the “this cup of hot coffee is hot” nonsense and the Health & Safety people could concentrate more on preventing deaths and injuries.

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There is a tip that I’ve seen in a few places now about writing your own obituary or grave-side eulogy and although this seems a bit mawkish to me I can see the good intent behind the idea. By doing this we would have to take stock of our lives, consider whether we are truly following our proper path and, presumably, realize that the clock could run down on us at any moment so we had better get more of a sense of urgency into our lives. Whilst mulling this over I found a book that I had mislaid for a long time “The Daily Telegraph second book of Obituaries – Heroes and Adventurers”. Flicking through this book again I was amazed at the sheer scale of what some people have been able to fit into their lives. Here are a couple of examples.

“Major-General Eric Harrison, who has died aged 94….distinguished service in both World Wars, he was a remarkable all-round sportsman – a representative rugby player, an Olympic athlete, a legendary rider to hounds, pig-sticker and big game hunter – as well as an artist, author and gardener.”

“Harry Rée, who has died aged 76, had two distinguished careers – first in the Special Operations Executive during the Second World War, and then as Professor of Education at York University, after which he went back to school as a classroom teacher, an almost unheard of self-demotion.”

(You would have to say that there probably weren’t too many state school teachers who began their careers aged 60 and had already been awarded the Order of the British Empire, the Distinguished Service Order and the Croix de Guerre?)

Apart from the richness and variety of experience there is a great deal of bravery, resilience and a very strong sense of duty too. Many of these men and women were called upon to serve in World War II and often put themselves in tremendous danger. For instance, Mary Lindell worked heroically in the French resistance and was interrogated numerous times by the Gestapo before being shot and imprisoned in a concentration camp. She lived to be 91. The Australian military surgeon Edward “Weary” Dunlop repeatedly put himself in harms way to protect his men to an astonishing extent when held captive as a Prisoner Of War by the Japanese and yet retained his dignity and decency whatever the circumstances.

Sometimes you have to stop and wonder how you would have met these kinds of challenges if they had landed on our own doorsteps?

Reading these extraordinary life stories made me feel a bit sheepish about my own meagrer achievements and reticent to write an obituary with these swashbucking examples still fresh in my mind. However, to feel overshadowed by what other people have done is to miss the point. The most useful lesson I can take from the book of obituaries is the boldness, the sense of possibilities and the indomitable spirit displayed by these people. Perhaps if we can develop these qualities ourselves and apply them to our own circumstances we can live a life truly worth writing about?

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