goodselfhelpstuff.com

I read this article on Derren Brown’s Blog but I am posting the link to the source article here for your convenience. Basically the article describes how scientists have found that asking yourself questions via your “self talk” motivates you more effectively than telling yourself you can do it. Basically its a case of “will I?” being a lot more effective than “I will”.

There are a heap of similar articles on self help themes but from a scientific / academic point of view.

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When you think of Clint Eastwood – who turns 80 tomorrow – it’s unlikely you associate him with self-help. It would be difficult to imagine Dirty Harry cultivating an “attitude of gratitude” or the anti-hero “man with no name” working on a list of well thought-out goals (unless it was a list of people to kill) but there are some recurring  themes in his life and works that are very familiar to people who are into self help and personal development. So, as a salute to Clint Eastwood good self help stuff offers you these thoughts on the world’s coolest 80 year old.

Managing your own career on your own terms

Even the quickest look at Clint’s career shows that he has not allowed other people to dictate what he can and cannot do. His first break was to become a regular in the TV series “Rawhide” but was criticized as being a good-looking lightweight who would not progress, however, he proved the doubters wrong when he made the switch to starring in Western movies. When they said that westerns are all he would ever do he made the switch to modern day action hero in the “Dirty Harry” movies and when he was typecast as a brooding tough guy he turned up in comedies like “Every Which Way But Loose” (co-starring with an orangutan, an inspired move!). As a director, Clint has made a remarkably broad range of movies – who would ever have thought he could come up “The Bridges of Madison County”? – and he has never let others decide what kind of movies he should make.

Dealing with setbacks

Clint Eastwood has made many hugely successful movies but he’s made some real flops too. You would have thought that movies like “Pink Cadillac”, “FireFox” and “Paint Your Wagon” are enough to have dented anyone’s self-belief but the great things about Clint Eastwood’s approach is that he always bounces back from a setback with another good movie. He quickly moves on from “failed” projects and comes up with something new. It’s as if his approach is “if you’re going to make great movies – make a LOT of movies”.

Take calculated risks

It would have been very easy for Clint to have stayed in the western genre and pumped out cowboy movies for the rest of his career but instead of taking the safe & easy option he has consistently taken risks. Sometimes they don’t come off but he has never been cowed into being typecast.

Be true to yourself

Whilst many of his movies have been panned by the critics and others  you strongly get the feeling that he has always made the movies that personally interest him and damn what anyone else thinks about it. The great thing about Clint Eastwood is that he has persevered and out-worked the people who have criticized him and he has remained “who he is” regardless of whether it is popular at that time or not.

It’s cool to be a man

OK this one doesn’t turn up very often in the literature but it should do! And Clint is a walking object lesson in masculinity.

One last remark – I find it hard to come up with just one favourite Clint Eastwood movie but, if pushed, I would have to say “The Outlaw Josey Wales” – what’s yours?

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In our house we often seem to be pushed for time BUT we try to eat healthy so this recipe for a spicy pasta sauce is a bit of a life saver for us. I cook this up most weeks and then freeze portions of it which can then be quickly reheated and served on its own with pasta or added to prawns, minced beef or served with melted cheese etc. Its delicious, its fast and its full of healthy veggies so it ticks a lot of the right boxes! This sauce is probably closest to an Arrabiata but in our house it is known by the less glamorous name of “veggie bog” – I have arrived at  this recipe after a lot of improvising but it unlikely that I ever cook it exactly the same way twice so feel free to make your own modifications! This version works great though.

You will need

Olive oil

1 good sized onion

1 red chili pepper or half if you want it less spicy

1 red pepper (capsicum)

4 cloves garlic

Mushrooms (you decide how many)

1 kilo fresh tomatoes

1 400g tin of chopped tomatoes

Basil – fresh if you’ve got it but dried works fine too (1 teaspoon)

Pinch of oregano

Balsamic vinegar (optional)

Salt & pepper

First finely chop your onion and chili and crush the garlic. Fry this in hot olive oil for about three minutes until things soften up  and then add 1 tea spoon or basil (or fresh leaves) a good pinch of oregano and salt & pepper to taste. Keep stirring for another minute or so and then add the chopped red pepper (capsicum) and mushrooms. Cook this for another couple of minutes – whilst that is happening chop up your tomatoes into cubes and throw them in as well. If you have got the time or inclination you can blanch these in very hot and then cold water to remove the skins prior to chopping but I don’t bother. Fry these for another couple of minutes, whilst stirring. When this is all going good add the tin of chopped tomatoes and a teaspoon of balsamic vinegar if you are using it. Simmer this for about half an hour, stirring occasionally. Serve with a pasta of your choice – it goes well with penne but anything works.

This freezes well and survives microwaving so it’s a perfect to dish up quickly if you are in a hurry. And its delicious and mega-healthy too!

Get it into you!

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I recently reviewed Joe Navarro’s excellent book “What Everybody is Saying” and I have been viewing some of his “Art of Influence” videos here on YouTube.

Having read the book, its interesting to see him in person and see what HIS body language is like!

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I have reviewed two of Paul McKenna’s book & CD combos elsewhere on this site (“Change Your Life in 7 Days” and “Instant Confidence”) and I have recently bought his latest book, “Control Stress” so I am including a quick review here.

The first thing to mention is that, in comparison to his other books, “Control Stress” is a pretty slim volume. It’s only 160 pages long, the last 10 or so are a blank journal and, what with all the Q&A features and semi-blank pages you get the feeling that this could easily have been boiled down to a 100 page book. If you have used his audio CD’s before the format of this one will be very familiar to you. If you haven’t, they are basically a way of deeply relaxing and receiving positive messages which get absorbed into your unconscious mind and tend to stay with you.This can sound a bit creepy but they work really well!

The book begins with a discussion of the human body’s stress responses (when to be on “full alert” and when to be in “relaxation mode”)and how these can go wrong. When faced with the demands and complications of modern life our stress responses are frequently putting us into an alert state but not so great at allowing us to counteract this with real relaxation. In simple terms, the stress “ on” switch works a lot better than the “off” switch and the outcome of this is being caught in a state of near permanent stress, usually over threats which are not physical but exist only in our thoughts.

Given that most of the things we interpret as threats are more to do with what’s going on in our heads than a physical threat like being carried off by a tiger, we can exercise control over these thoughts and reinterpret them. As with his previous books he gives us a variety of techniques to start to control our thoughts and to either reduce or increase the emotional power we give them. These NLP techniques include creating a “calm anchor” feeling and learning how to associate and disassociate ourselves with certain situations, memories or feelings.

Along with the mental techniques there are some sound tips and recommendations about exercise, relaxation and developing  positive attitude towards life. Although “Control Stress” is not the most “weighty” work he has produced there is a lot of useful content here. If you do have a particular problem with stress than there’s a good chance that this book & CD will be of use to you. If however  you are looking for a general introduction to Paul McKenna’s stuff and how the CD’s work I’d point you towards  “Change Your Life in 7 days” – for my money that’s his most comprehensive and effective book to date.

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There is a simple but very effective piece of time management software that I have been using for a while now. Its called “Pomodoro” – its free and its available here. This is basically a 25 minute countdown timer and you use it to help you concentrate on one particular task and minimize interruptions. If you tend to hop from task to task like a frog hopping on lillypads (or a beautiful hummingbird flitting from flower to flower if you don’t like to think of yourself as a frog), then this software is for you.

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Me feeling crabby and under pressure!

Have you ever been in a position where you think “I really should take my own advice here”? Recently I had a word with a couple of the guys who report to me at work about not taking a break and letting their annual leave build up to crazy levels. Whilst I was lecturing everyone else on the importance of having a real break  I realized that I hadn’t actually taken a week off myself since last September! The more I reflected on this the more it sank in how tired and run-down I was getting – how I was letting some of my good habits slide, how I was doing less and less on this website (!) and generally how I was letting small things blow out of proportion and seem like a big deal when they weren’t (a sure sign of over-tiredness).

So, as I write this I have put this to rights – I am on a week’s leave and I have just returned from a couple of nights away staying in the small country town of Augusta on the south coast of West Australia. Although Augusta is surrounded by beaches it’s probably not how many people would visualize “a town on the beach in Australia”. For a start it has no palm trees, not much in the way of “touristy” shops, no Surf Life guards and not even a McDonalds! The beaches are rugged and rocky and the surrounding countryside is mostly farmland and beautiful National Parks. It’s a town that’s surrounded by natural beauty and although tourism obviously plays a part in Augusta, the town still has a genuine, authentic feel to it. As the car sticker we saw outside the pub said “Augusta is a Musta”. What civic pride that car had…!

The main drag in Augusta!

We are heading towards winter over here so we have had a lot of cloudy and windy weather lately and whilst a lot of Australians think you would be crazy to go down South at this time of year, I personally enjoy a bit of gloom! Maybe it’s because I’m English but, seriously, you can get tired of constant blue skies and heat and I find a bit of wild & wooly weather to be really reviving (plus, the price of accommodation etc is rock bottom around this time of year so it also saves a few dollars too).

Beach scene in Augusta

We stayed in a one-room chalet a couple of kilometers out of town that looked out over some fields. It was nice to sit on the back porch with a beer and have a staring contest with the cows – especially as I won! Not  surprisingly, we took a lot of photo’s, including some taken at dawn which I am really pleased with but we also spent time just enjoying life – and not just enjoying photographing life – as we are sometime guilty of on these trips.

The chalet

So, after just two nights away and the prospect of the rest of the week off I already feel SO much better and whilst I intend to laze around a little while longer there is a lot on the website and around the house I want to get done. I have recently read three books I have been meaning to review on the website, I am way behind on the photography stuff I have been working on and the front lawn looks like the Gobi Desert so there is plenty to be done around the place. Whereas I have been avoiding this stuff for the last few weeks, now I can’t wait to get stuck into it. What a difference a few days off can make.

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I recently  had a birthday which, unbelievably, puts me close to that bracket of being in my “mid-40’s”. The main feeling I get from this is one of mild puzzlement (how on earth did THAT happen?”). That age just doesn’t feel relevant to me – I still feel the same as I did when I was eighteen – I just can’t see as good (!)

I remember reading a quote from the great boxer Sugar Ray Robinson about getting older:

“You always tell yourself ‘I’ll quit before I start to slide’ and then wake up one morning to find out you done slid”

But I’m not feeling that my powers are waning with the passing of time or anything like that. In fact I feel quite chipper!

As fate would have it, on my birthday I found myself looking at an old photo I have on my bookcase of me and a couple of friends back in Wakefield – I guess we would have been about 18 so that makes it 25 years ago (that’s a quarter of a century – MORE numbers that are hard to get your head around!). My son has seen this photo and has asked me what “things were like back in the black & white days” (!). I guess you know you’re feeling older when you tell your kids what it was like when you were young and it’s seems like a different world back then. I can definitely feel a bit of that, especially when I consider that in those days:

1)  I had never, ever heard anyone use the term “stress”.

2)  You never saw anyone wearing a baseball cap.

3)  Mobile phones had only just been invented and people would have been   puzzled at the idea that anyone could be contactable at all times. Or would want to be.

4)  I used to smoke, drink too much and eat just about anything that wasn’t nailed down and didn’t worry about it at all.

5)  No-one had a computer in their house. Computers were for people who were involved in lunar landings and stuff like that.

6)  There were 4 TV channels and they didn’t broadcast 24 hours a day. I hadn’t heard of cable or satellite TV.

Not that I’m trying to say that it was some kind of care-free Nirvana back then – there were things like mass unemployment, the Miner’s Strike and the threat of all-out nuclear war with the USSR to “keep it real” for us!  But things were certainly different. In contrast, nowadays I run a self-help blog (so much for no stress), live in Australia, work in IT and drive around photographing things – all things that would be incomprehensible to that black & white 18 year old version of me. It’s been a  long, strange journey alright but I am happy with my life, healthier then I have ever been and involved in a lot of creative stuff that really excites me.

If I had to pick a quote which sums up how I feel about crowding in on my mid-40’s it would be this one from Samuel Beckett:

“Perhaps my best years are gone but I wouldn’t want them back, not with the fire in me now”

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Earlier this year I posted blogs about giving up caffeine and also giving up reading  & watching the news. After trialling this for a few months I can’t really say that it has brought any real benefits and, if anything, it just deprived me of a couple of life’s simple pleasures so I’ve decided to go back to how I was before.

I’ve started drinking tea & coffee again (although a lot less than before) and it’s good to be back! I can’t see any harm in having a cuppa and there are probably some benefits to drinking it in moderation so I decided that giving it up wasn’t worth the aggravation.

In my blog about the news in all honesty I didn’t even really convince myself that avoiding the news would actually do you that much good. I also mentioned my on-again-off-again interest in politics and current affairs and I started to find it irritating that I didn’t know what was going on in the world. Unless you develop an obsessive interest in particularly depressing news I can’t really see the harm in having an interest in what’s going on in the wider world.

Even though I don’t think either of these “self denials” was worth carrying on with I am pleased that I had the self discipline to trial doing without them. Now it’s time to put the kettle on and wade through the Sunday paper!

goodselfhelpstuff.com – giving things up so you don’t have to….

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