Review of Control Stress by Paul McKenna
by Gareth on May.27, 2010, under Uncategorized
I have reviewed two of Paul McKenna’s book & CD combos elsewhere on this site (“Change Your Life in 7 Days” and “Instant Confidence”) and I have recently bought his latest book, “Control Stress” so I am including a quick review here.
The first thing to mention is that, in comparison to his other books, “Control Stress” is a pretty slim volume. It’s only 160 pages long, the last 10 or so are a blank journal and, what with all the Q&A features and semi-blank pages you get the feeling that this could easily have been boiled down to a 100 page book. If you have used his audio CD’s before the format of this one will be very familiar to you. If you haven’t, they are basically a way of deeply relaxing and receiving positive messages which get absorbed into your unconscious mind and tend to stay with you.This can sound a bit creepy but they work really well!
The book begins with a discussion of the human body’s stress responses (when to be on “full alert” and when to be in “relaxation mode”)and how these can go wrong. When faced with the demands and complications of modern life our stress responses are frequently putting us into an alert state but not so great at allowing us to counteract this with real relaxation. In simple terms, the stress “ on” switch works a lot better than the “off” switch and the outcome of this is being caught in a state of near permanent stress, usually over threats which are not physical but exist only in our thoughts.
Given that most of the things we interpret as threats are more to do with what’s going on in our heads than a physical threat like being carried off by a tiger, we can exercise control over these thoughts and reinterpret them. As with his previous books he gives us a variety of techniques to start to control our thoughts and to either reduce or increase the emotional power we give them. These NLP techniques include creating a “calm anchor” feeling and learning how to associate and disassociate ourselves with certain situations, memories or feelings.
Along with the mental techniques there are some sound tips and recommendations about exercise, relaxation and developing positive attitude towards life. Although “Control Stress” is not the most “weighty” work he has produced there is a lot of useful content here. If you do have a particular problem with stress than there’s a good chance that this book & CD will be of use to you. If however you are looking for a general introduction to Paul McKenna’s stuff and how the CD’s work I’d point you towards “Change Your Life in 7 days” – for my money that’s his most comprehensive and effective book to date.
LikePomodoro Time Management Software
by Gareth on May.25, 2010, under Uncategorized
There is a simple but very effective piece of time management software that I have been using for a while now. Its called “Pomodoro” – its free and its available here. This is basically a 25 minute countdown timer and you use it to help you concentrate on one particular task and minimize interruptions. If you tend to hop from task to task like a frog hopping on lillypads (or a beautiful hummingbird flitting from flower to flower if you don’t like to think of yourself as a frog), then this software is for you.
Augusta is a musta!
by Gareth on May.25, 2010, under Uncategorized
Me feeling crabby and under pressure!
Have you ever been in a position where you think “I really should take my own advice here”? Recently I had a word with a couple of the guys who report to me at work about not taking a break and letting their annual leave build up to crazy levels. Whilst I was lecturing everyone else on the importance of having a real break I realized that I hadn’t actually taken a week off myself since last September! The more I reflected on this the more it sank in how tired and run-down I was getting – how I was letting some of my good habits slide, how I was doing less and less on this website (!) and generally how I was letting small things blow out of proportion and seem like a big deal when they weren’t (a sure sign of over-tiredness).
So, as I write this I have put this to rights – I am on a week’s leave and I have just returned from a couple of nights away staying in the small country town of Augusta on the south coast of West Australia. Although Augusta is surrounded by beaches it’s probably not how many people would visualize “a town on the beach in Australia”. For a start it has no palm trees, not much in the way of “touristy” shops, no Surf Life guards and not even a McDonalds! The beaches are rugged and rocky and the surrounding countryside is mostly farmland and beautiful National Parks. It’s a town that’s surrounded by natural beauty and although tourism obviously plays a part in Augusta, the town still has a genuine, authentic feel to it. As the car sticker we saw outside the pub said “Augusta is a Musta”. What civic pride that car had…!
The main drag in Augusta!
We are heading towards winter over here so we have had a lot of cloudy and windy weather lately and whilst a lot of Australians think you would be crazy to go down South at this time of year, I personally enjoy a bit of gloom! Maybe it’s because I’m English but, seriously, you can get tired of constant blue skies and heat and I find a bit of wild & wooly weather to be really reviving (plus, the price of accommodation etc is rock bottom around this time of year so it also saves a few dollars too).
Beach scene in Augusta
We stayed in a one-room chalet a couple of kilometers out of town that looked out over some fields. It was nice to sit on the back porch with a beer and have a staring contest with the cows – especially as I won! Not surprisingly, we took a lot of photo’s, including some taken at dawn which I am really pleased with but we also spent time just enjoying life – and not just enjoying photographing life – as we are sometime guilty of on these trips.
The chalet
So, after just two nights away and the prospect of the rest of the week off I already feel SO much better and whilst I intend to laze around a little while longer there is a lot on the website and around the house I want to get done. I have recently read three books I have been meaning to review on the website, I am way behind on the photography stuff I have been working on and the front lawn looks like the Gobi Desert so there is plenty to be done around the place. Whereas I have been avoiding this stuff for the last few weeks, now I can’t wait to get stuck into it. What a difference a few days off can make.
My mid-40’s and an old photo
by Gareth on May.09, 2010, under Uncategorized
I recently had a birthday which, unbelievably, puts me close to that bracket of being in my “mid-40’s”. The main feeling I get from this is one of mild puzzlement (how on earth did THAT happen?”). That age just doesn’t feel relevant to me – I still feel the same as I did when I was eighteen – I just can’t see as good (!)
I remember reading a quote from the great boxer Sugar Ray Robinson about getting older:
“You always tell yourself ‘I’ll quit before I start to slide’ and then wake up one morning to find out you done slid”
But I’m not feeling that my powers are waning with the passing of time or anything like that. In fact I feel quite chipper!
As fate would have it, on my birthday I found myself looking at an old photo I have on my bookcase of me and a couple of friends back in Wakefield – I guess we would have been about 18 so that makes it 25 years ago (that’s a quarter of a century – MORE numbers that are hard to get your head around!). My son has seen this photo and has asked me what “things were like back in the black & white days” (!). I guess you know you’re feeling older when you tell your kids what it was like when you were young and it’s seems like a different world back then. I can definitely feel a bit of that, especially when I consider that in those days:
1) I had never, ever heard anyone use the term “stress”.
2) You never saw anyone wearing a baseball cap.
3) Mobile phones had only just been invented and people would have been puzzled at the idea that anyone could be contactable at all times. Or would want to be.
4) I used to smoke, drink too much and eat just about anything that wasn’t nailed down and didn’t worry about it at all.
5) No-one had a computer in their house. Computers were for people who were involved in lunar landings and stuff like that.
6) There were 4 TV channels and they didn’t broadcast 24 hours a day. I hadn’t heard of cable or satellite TV.
Not that I’m trying to say that it was some kind of care-free Nirvana back then – there were things like mass unemployment, the Miner’s Strike and the threat of all-out nuclear war with the USSR to “keep it real” for us! But things were certainly different. In contrast, nowadays I run a self-help blog (so much for no stress), live in Australia, work in IT and drive around photographing things – all things that would be incomprehensible to that black & white 18 year old version of me. It’s been a long, strange journey alright but I am happy with my life, healthier then I have ever been and involved in a lot of creative stuff that really excites me.
If I had to pick a quote which sums up how I feel about crowding in on my mid-40’s it would be this one from Samuel Beckett:
“Perhaps my best years are gone but I wouldn’t want them back, not with the fire in me now”
Tea and the newspaper ain’t no crime!
by Gareth on May.02, 2010, under Uncategorized
Earlier this year I posted blogs about giving up caffeine and also giving up reading & watching the news. After trialling this for a few months I can’t really say that it has brought any real benefits and, if anything, it just deprived me of a couple of life’s simple pleasures so I’ve decided to go back to how I was before.
I’ve started drinking tea & coffee again (although a lot less than before) and it’s good to be back! I can’t see any harm in having a cuppa and there are probably some benefits to drinking it in moderation so I decided that giving it up wasn’t worth the aggravation.
In my blog about the news in all honesty I didn’t even really convince myself that avoiding the news would actually do you that much good. I also mentioned my on-again-off-again interest in politics and current affairs and I started to find it irritating that I didn’t know what was going on in the world. Unless you develop an obsessive interest in particularly depressing news I can’t really see the harm in having an interest in what’s going on in the wider world.
Even though I don’t think either of these “self denials” was worth carrying on with I am pleased that I had the self discipline to trial doing without them. Now it’s time to put the kettle on and wade through the Sunday paper!
goodselfhelpstuff.com – giving things up so you don’t have to….
How to start jogging
by Gareth on Apr.26, 2010, under Uncategorized
In a recent post I mentioned that I had started jogging on a morning and that I had surprised myself as I had never thought I would become “a jogger” so here is my “non-joggers” guide to jogging!
See a Doctor
If you’re going to start jogging or running (call it what you will) first thing to do is see a Doctor and make sure that its a sensible idea for you. I had already seen my Doctor about doing more exercise etc due to high cholesterol so I was sorted.
Once you have done this you can safely ignore people who tell you “I had a mate who started jogging and he dropped dead from heart-attack so getting fit actually kills you”. Don’t let other people drag you down with their own excuses for not doing anything. That’s their problem, its no longer yours.
Shoes and sports gear
Decent shoes are important. They are more comfortable and will reduce the chances of you picking up strains, sprains and pulled muscles. Not to sugar coat it for you but early on you will be coping with enough to discomfort without making it worse for yourself ! Over here in Perth Jim Kidd and Rebel Sports are decent places to pick up reasonable priced trainers (especially the Rebel Sport “outlet” stores which sell off old stock). Buy good stuff but don’t pay a fortune.
Me and my wife are both pretty active and my son has got into football (soccer) too so we find that buying sportswear “in bulk” from www.sportsdirect.com is an economic way of getting what we want. Even though the postage from the UK to Australia is considerable its still works out cheaper this way and they have a great selection of merchandise. It can get a bit addictive buying on line though so watch out (!) – make sure you don’t become one of those people whose real motivation for taking up a new activity is so they can by loads of new equipment! “All the gear but no idea” as the saying goes.
Last word on this subject – my wife says she definitely feels better and gets a real “lift” from wearing good quality sports clothing but I am not so fussy and often just grab shorts and an old football top.
Prepare for the conditions
Related to the point above – make sure you dress and prepare appropriately for the weather and use sunscreen etc. This is very relevant over here in Perth as the UV rays can get pretty savage – we are into Autumn now though so its a lot more comfortable for running. Drinking water is important so have some before and after. We have had a couple of chilly mornings lately so I sometimes have a cup of tea before running (how “old school am I ?)
If you are running in the dark or on the roads wear something light coloured to avoid getting run over. In the photo I am modelling a near-luminous yellow Leeds United top which is visible from several miles away so if anyone runs me over its reasons other than they can’t see me.
Plan your run
What resources and landmarks are nearby? Are there any parks or open spaces or will you have to make do with running on the roads? Plan out a route that is safe and realistic. I am lucky that there is a small park nearby so I can run on grass and its easy to monitor my progress by counting how many times I can get round the park. Also, plan what time of day you are going to run and on which days.
Get music
An i-Pod Nano or similar is a great help in getting motivated and taking your mind off any boredom or discomfort you are feeling. I loaded a big selection of uplifting or high energy songs on mine and I set it to “shuffle” so I don’t know what’s coming next – again, this distracts you nicely.
I don’t know why but the earphones never stay inside my ears properly. One day they will be OK but the next they won’t stay in at all. Perhaps my ears radically change shape over night ? Hopefully you won’t have this problem!
Stretching & Warmup
Stretching is boring, uncomfortable and a waste of time. Actually, only the first two are true! You have to do this as it will make your run easier and you will be far less likely to pick up injuries. Stretch before and after. Before you start running warmup by walking for 5 minutes and plan this into your route. The park I use is about 5-10 minutes walk from where I live so that makes it easy.
Technique
Apparently there is a right and a wrong way to run. Who’d have thought it? Anyway I looked this up on YouTube and this guy explains things pretty well
No heroics…
We are starting out here so be REALISTIC. Don’t set yourself over-optimistic goals and then get discouraged because you can’t get anywhere near them. When you start out you can just do what you can do. No shame in that. Then its about BUILDING fitness through a sensible combination of walking and jogging.
…but stick at it!
Its very easy to start jogging and find out that its harder than you thought it would be and then quit. Its also easy to make a bit of progress and then plateau and think “I’m never going to get anywhere with this” – and then quit. In fact, quitting is always easy! You have to accept that there will be effort and discomfort involved but back yourself to persevere and get through it.
Running is as much about training your mind as it is your body and finding ways to either silence or ignore that insistent voice in your head that is telling you to give up. I find running outside rather than on a treadmill helps as it is more interesting and listening to music is another great way to distract yourself. Now that I have got past the “oh my god I’m going to die phase!” I find that I do some of my best thinking when I am running .
The benefits
I run on a morning. Once I have done it I feel great anyway AND I know that I have done my exercise for the day before the morning has even got going! This makes me feel a bit smug – ha ha! Since I have been running (six weeks now) I have lost weight – particularly around the belly – I’m more toned and I feel so much better. The benefits of running son’t kick in immediately so its important to stick at it through that difficult beginning period when you don’t seem to be getting much reward for your efforts. Trust me, the rewards WILL come and it all gets a lot easier!
So – that’s what I have found works. There is a wealth of information on this subject on the internet and I would encourage you to research it properly before giving it a go. Good luck!
Time management for real life
by Gareth on Apr.21, 2010, under Uncategorized
Lately I have been busy and balancing working full time with being a husband, Dad, photographer, blogger, exerciser, cook etc has been a bit of a strain. Having said that I have not been happy with the way I have been using my time either (particularly when I am not at work). Several times lately I have found myself not really doing anything in particular – I’m not really relaxing but at the same time I’m not doing anything constructive either. I call this “junk time” and examples of it include:
Channel hopping and watching 5-10 minutes of several programs without ever watching a full one.
Half-hearted web surfing to pass the time in a rather aimless way.
Starting a job and then drifting away leaving it half done. Then actively avoiding doing the second half.
So combining having a lot to do with not making good use of your time is not a good mix as not much gets done and you don’t have quality relaxation time either! But what to do about it?
So what do you do with your time? Really.
Here at goodselfhelpstuff.com we are committed to using only the very best of the available methodologies so the first thing I did was carry out an idea I got from the reality TV show “Wife Swap”! In this show each wife writes a “user manual” for her life and the functioning of her household so I borrowed this idea and carried it out for myself. This may seem pointless – after all “you” are “you” and you obviously know how you spend your time because you are there when it happens. However, this is worth doing as writing things down in a structured way can often reveal a picture that your intuition alone doesn’t. For instance when I wrote out an average day I noticed that I was spending way too much time on the internet and was checking my email and websites several times a day. This was actually disruptive and a poor use of my time so now I only logon twice a day (on weekdays – more on weekends). By writing out your average day and week you have a basis for managing your time better.
Understanding what works for you
Some people are naturally methodical, organized and comfortable making decisions. Others are more intuitive, adaptive and inclined to “go with the flow”. Other things being equal the people in the first group are a lot more comfortable with formal time-management systems but this doesn’t mean that we can’t all schedule our days a little better. There is little chance of success in you trying to become something you are not so it’s a question of finding what works for you and playing to your strengths.
For instance, by nature I wake up early on a morning and have no problems getting out of bed – this requires no effort on my part it’s just how I am. This means that if I am going to move things around in my day it makes sense to tackle them before I go to work. Other people are naturally “night owls” and can be getting stuff done long after I have turned in for the night. Because an early start works for me I moved my exercise before I go to work so now I jog on a morning rather than go to the gym after work (which I had trouble fitting in). I never, ever thought I would be “the type of person who jogs before work” but I’ve been doing it for around a month now.
The importance of relaxation and fun
My intention is absolutely NOT to reduce the amount of time I have for fun and relaxation. The idea that you should have every minute of the day accounted for and be “productive” at all times is totally alien to me and it should be for you too! There must be time for relaxation, spontaneity, hobbies and good old-fashioned slobbing around if that’s what you want to do. My point is that you should be doing one thing OR the other, you should be relaxing without a care in the world OR you should be doing productive stuff and getting results. I find it too easy to be hanging around not being productive but not really enjoying being idle either as I can’t rid myself from the feeling that I SHOULD be doing something. Now its one thing or the other and to keep myself honest with this I often ask myself the simple question “what are you doing right now?”
Making a change
Much of our lives are taken up by routines and sometimes it feels like you could go through an entire day without making a single decision and things would still pretty much take care of themselves. Therefore the key to better time management is to create new routines and habits which make best use of the time you do have. For instance:
Recently I started taking my son to football practise on Tuesdays at 5pm so I have agreed with my boss to come in one hour early on that day so I can get him there on time. This is now a new routine. I appreciate this kind of flexibility with work hours might not be there for everyone but it’s a good idea to keep looking for ways to make your day fit better. You might be surprised at what you migth find.
Conclusion
By looking at how I was spending my time and making some small (but significant) changes I have started getting more out of my life. I’m finding that I am more productive, I’m not rushing around all the time but I am not sacrificing my leisure time in order to do it. I have also been enjoying that good feeling you get when you start taking charge of your life, making changes and stop feeling like you are a “victim of circumstances” all the time. Why don’t you give this a try and see what you come up with?
Inspiring People – Mark Halsey
by Gareth on Apr.16, 2010, under Uncategorized
When they are not remotely involved in any game that affects my team I have a great deal of respect & sympathy for football referees. Having to deal with childish, thuggish or drama-queen type behaviour whilst the crowd boos your every decision can’t be much fun – especially when you all you can look forward to after the game is the Managers and commentators publicizing your every mistake. I’m sure its not easy doing a job where its impossible to be right a 100% of the time and half the people involved will hate you anyway. I can’t remember if I have ever been guilty of hurling abuse at Mark Halsey but having read what he has been through and how he has bounced back from it he definitely has my respect now. Having already had the bad news that his wife had a form of leukaemia, Halsey found out in August 2009 that he had throat cancer. He was given the news just before a Premier League football game and, amazingly,still refereed it. This must be the same kind of shock reaction that prompts people who have just been involved in serious motorcycle accidents to get up and “see if the bike is alright”. ..
Not long after that game he was taken into hospital for surgery and then chemo and radiotherapy. Having got through all of that he was determined to referee again and had to build his fitness back up to the high standards needed for the modern game – not easy at the best of times but he was back refereeing inside a year. In his “comeback game” one of the players ran over to him, shook him warmly by the hand and said “it’s great to have you back” – later on he had to book the same player!
Not surprisingly having cancer has changed his outlook on life – “people get very emotional about football, but my illness has put the game and life into different perspective. As referees, we all worry about getting the big decisions right – but perhaps we worry too much.”
Amen to that.
The driving not the arriving
by Gareth on Apr.13, 2010, under Uncategorized
Last Sunday me and my wife were on the road again to do some photography down in the Southwest of WA. Instead of going down to the coast and around Margaret River as we normally would we decided to check out the dams at Lake Navarino and also Wellington National Park, thinking this would give us a nice change in subject matter.
I’ve been down to Lake Navarino before and had a lot of fun messing around on the water but, in terms of landscape photography, it really doesn’t fit the bill. For a start it’s a man-made lake so it has straight edges and the water’s edge is made up of an orangey-brown dirt and gravel combination, so it’s not all that picturesque. After half-heartedly looking at it from different angles we decided to try our luck elsewhere and kept on driving down the South Western Highway. As you travel down this road you pass through several small country towns such as Waroona, Harvey and Brunswick Junction and the countryside becomes much more rural; sometimes in a very picturesque way and sometimes in a more hard-working and challenging kind of way. I particularly love the feeling of peace and simplicity you can get walking around these quiet towns on a Sunday and there is always something to look at and photograph. Anyway…
We drove along, noting a few quirky sights and beautiful views along the way and ended up at “Destination 2” – the dam at Wellington National Park. To be honest, we were underwhelmed by that too as the lake and surrounds just didn’t seem that scenic and we struggled to get any worthwhile photos out of it. It didn’t help that there is a lot of maintenance work going on at the dam so several areas were fenced off and there was a fair bit of scaffolding and work vehicles around. Feeling a bit deflated we decided to head back up the Highway and go back home the way we came.
We retraced our steps and stopped at Brunswick Junction to stretch our legs and grab something to eat (for some reason, the bakeries in these country towns are the absolute best and serve fantastic pies – this was no exception). Brunswick is a charming little place which is quite scenic but still has an authentic and slightly “rough-around-the-edges” feel to it – it hasn’t gotten too “touristy” like some towns on the way to Margaret River have. We had a stroll around the town, checking out the buildings and features these places always have – the small church, the memorial hall, the footy oval and so on. I love passing time in these places on a quiet Sunday and sometimes I convince myself that I would like to live in one full-time, although I know that I wouldn’t really.
Anyway, we had a leisurely drive back, stopping off at each own on the way and taking the time to really appreciate them. When we got back home we had got very little (in terms of both enjoyment and photographs) from either location we originally set off to see but what we got from the actual journey was great. This is so often the case, the process and not necessarily the end-result is where the value is. If we had just focussed on getting great photos from the dams we would have come home very disappointed but by making a decision to consciously enjoy the trip there and back we had a great day. I know it’s a cliché to say that “life’s a journey not a destination” but it is, it really is.
A little music while we are waiting…
by Gareth on Apr.06, 2010, under Uncategorized
Click here for a suitably uplifting song to pass the time whilst we are waiting for the site updates.
